Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
