Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
