So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
