he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
