i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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