i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
