He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
