I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
