so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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