I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
