frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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