It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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