So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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