it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
