I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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