you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
