I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm going to jail i love you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
