Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
