you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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