Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So many bounce houses so little time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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