You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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