I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
