Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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