he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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