You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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