soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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