Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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