do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
