and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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