I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
