I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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