I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
