Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
