i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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