i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
