am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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