ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
