I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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