Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
