I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
