mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
