the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
