I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
