oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the day after is always just damage control
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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