Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
