i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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