this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
