Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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