we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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