if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
