he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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