Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
