My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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