Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
