I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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