Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
