There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
