i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
