you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
